how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
