where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize