Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
