So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
