New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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