You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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