Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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