we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
