His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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