Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize