Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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