you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
