There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
