she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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