I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
