apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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