The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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