i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
