First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
