You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
