Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Help me help you realize you are a moron
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
