i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
