Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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