Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
