youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
