I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
