**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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