Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
