the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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