You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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