You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
