btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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