you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
