If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm like, not good at living.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
