The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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