Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
