At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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