Duck Duck Cougar?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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