No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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