A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
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