I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
