I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
And then my night got REAL pukey
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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