i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
