you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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