is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
