I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
