the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
