If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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