I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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