what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
