so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
we're so committed to being not committed
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
