Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
