i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
