Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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