Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
