Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
