I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
