i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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