How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
