i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
