you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
did i just pee glitter
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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