Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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