So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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