Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We're not piercing ourselves today.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
