Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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