Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
