I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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