I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I cut my penus on the lid.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
