There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
