WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
