I just saw a hot homeless man
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize