Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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