____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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