Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
