I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
