see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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